Thoughts

This morning, my daughter asked me to walk to school with her. So I did. It's a mile round trip, and I was limping when I got home (feet, not knees). I had been planning to walk her to school twice a week on the mornings I don't go to the gym, but sadly I think we will have to delay that plan. My feet are just too painful and I need to let them heal. I think the walking is going to be set aside for awhile.

On the bright side, I am looking forward to going back to the gym tomorrow to work on the weight circuit and go swimming! The best part about this is that I am looking forward to it, not dreading it. I actually like the weight machines best. They are Life Circuit push button machines that have diagrams on them showing how to use them. They're so simple even *I* can use them! And I feel accomplished when I am done. The trainer told me that I should try to do 3 sets; I was doing two. So tomorrow I will do three. And then I will swim and come home and do some cleaning and stuff.

Something I have noticed but not sure what to think about it: when I am not thinking about food and weight, I am pretty happy and enjoy my life. The pain in my feet does interfere with that, and so does the way my clothes fit and how out of breath and tired I get when being active, but generally my state of mind is a joyful one. But when I start thinking about weight and food and trying to get thinner, I start to feel sad and frustrated. So then I avoid thinking about it. Which leads to a head-in-the-sand lala land where I can ignore my weight and pretend it is not an issue. It *is* an issue, a health issue, so I have to think about it. Which makes me sad and frustrated... so I put it in the back of my mind and ignore it some more...

When I am ready... really, deep down in the core of myself ready... the rest of this weight will come off. I guess on some level I am mentally comfortable where I am at. If I wasn't, I'd do whatever it takes to change it. Problem is, it feels like I almost have to starve myself to change it, and I am not willing to do that. I *am* willing to keep eating for better health and improving my diet, so I am focusing on that. That and the exercise to help me get fit. Whether any of this takes weight off is anyone's guess. I will keep trying.