I am Thin, I am Fat

I am thin, because my legs fit into those tiny looking size 10 jeans.
I am fat, because some days I just don't believe it and still put on that last lonely, baggy pair of size 14's.
I am thin, because all my rings are falling off even my largest fingers now.
I am fat, because my upper arms swing and sway, loaded down with fat in a most horrific manner.
I am thin, because I see a slim, defined waist when I wear a form fitting size medium shirt.
I am fat, because when I am naked, the vast expanse of my belly reminds me of being pregnant.
I am thin, because I can wear any regular-sized watches or bracelets I want to now, even ones that used to be far too small.
I am fat, because when I hang my arms down and bend my wrists, there is a small puddle of skin folds right at the tops of my hands and elbows.
I am thin, because I can hike and walk for miles.
I am fat, because I can't hike or walk more than 2 miles without pain.
I am thin, because I have a defined jawline.
I am fat, because I see some crepe-paper-looking skin on my neck.
I am thin, because I eat vegetables and lean meats and healthy fats in moderation.
I am fat, because if I eat one cookie, I eat a dozen.
I am thin, because in a slim jacket, jeans, and boots I look hot.
I am fat, because in a swimsuit I look atrocious. Seriously. At least from the waist down.
I am thin, because I can cross my legs.
I am fat, because when I walk quickly, I can feel the loose, jiggly fat on my thighs swinging forward in a way that actually hurts the tops of my thighs.
I am thin, because I look in the mirror and can see it.
I am fat, because I look in the mirror and can see it.

But more and more I am thin. The new mindset is starting to take over. No matter what anyone else sees when they look at me now, what matters is what *I* see and what *I* think. More often I see the good changes and I focus less on the negatives. More and more, I see reality rather than illusion.

The fact is, I am on the fuzzy edge between thin and fat. I am "overweight"... not obese, not ideal. If I gained 20 pounds I'd certainly be obese and if I lost 20 I'd be close to ideal. I'm in an interesting place where whether I think I am fat or not, I am right.

I choose to be who I am, and I am beginning, finally, to let go of the labels. I am just me. My body is what it is. Calling it names does not change that fact at all. Loving myself and respecting what I have done and am continuing to do for my health is the best course. I am learning every day to know and understand and accept myself. And that is a good thing.