What Happened

It's been a very stressful but educational week here in Lynville, with too much indulgence and not enough restraint. If you've been following along, you know that after 9 months and -59 pounds on Medifast, and more than 3 years total working on this weight loss (reaching 103 pounds gone), I decided to take "a break." I was just SO tired of the same foods over and over, and was feeling like I wanted to get off the artificial sweeteners for a bit. "Two weeks," I thought. "I'll just count calories. I'll get to have the oatmeal, bread, Clementines, grapefruits, yogurt, pomegranates, and bananas I crave but stay in control." Medifast is low carb, so fruit and grains are off limits until they are added back in gradually at Transition (when you reach your goal weight). I figured a nice little 2-week break would be a relief. I'd at least maintain if not lose during those weeks. I had NO intention of indulging in crappy foods.

But wow, it did not go as planned. Here's what happened:

My energy level plummeted.
My weight skyrocketed.
The pain in my joints that I thought was left behind months ago returned with a vengeance.
My cravings for sugar and fat and salt went through the roof.
My actual "real" hunger level went wild.
My heartburn came back and woke me up in the night.
My sleep quality and quantity went way down.
My mood went south.
My skin broke out and became oily.
My desire to do ANYTHING dropped off the face of the earth.

Not exactly the result I was looking for. In fact, my entire quality of life went downhill this week. I wake up tired after tossing and turning all night. I get up with a headache and feel miserable trying to make choices about what to eat while bacon and sausage is calling my name. I am so exhausted that the kitchen is a wreck and the laundry is piling up. When I try to use the computer, my hands hurt from arthritis. When I try to do my physical therapy exercises, I can't even complete them because it hurts so bad. I whine and complain in my head and end up buying some "special treat" to soothe myself. I eat until I am full but am hungry again an hour later. I am taking pain medication that I have not had to take in months, and my bottle of Tums that was near full for almost a year has begun to get depleted because I am up taking them in the night. I get on the scale every morning and see it going up, up, up. Last Sunday I weighed 178, and today? 189! Not terribly uncommon for people jumping off a low carb plan into a pile of cookies, but boy am I feeling it. And I want it off, pronto.

Like I said Friday, this sucks!!! I do not want to complete this 'experiment.' It is pointless, it is hurting me and not helping me and it is NOT a break at all. It is torture. I cannot believe I used to live like this AND WORSE for not just a week, but months and years! Now that I've seen the happier, more productive, pain-free side of life, that is what I want. And that is what I am going to have.

What I learned:

It is not a good idea to jump off of ANY plan into chaos, but it is especially unpleasant to go from low carb to ice cream and cookies.
Medifast has a slow, gradual transition program in place for a reason, and I'd do best to follow it when the time comes.
I do not like the same foods I used to like. In fact I let myself have some of my FAVORITE sharp cheddar, which I have loved my entire life and used to eat 8 oz blocks in a binge sitting, and I no longer like it. I took a couple bites and thought, yuck, this is nasty! Wow... nice to know I can leave the cheese alone now.
If I want to have the energy to exercise, do PT, or do anything but sit, I can't eat crap.
If I want to stay pain-free, I have to lay off the sugar.
The trade-off in quality of life for a few brownies is NO LONGER WORTH IT. This might seem ridiculous, but it used to be worth it. That's why I kept choosing brownies over life for over a decade, staying morbidly obese... my life kinda sucked whether I ate them or not, so why not get the pleasure of eating them? But now, for the first time ever, my unsugared life is much more pleasant than some stupid brownie.
Starbucks isn't that good.
I need to keep my focus off of food obsession if I want to be able to deal with real life issues.
I really will have to change my eating forever if I want to enjoy my life. This is another one that might be like, "hello, you knew that." Yes, but there was this little voice in the back of my mind always telling me that MAYBE, just MAYBE once I lose all the weight I will be "cured" and I can eat moderate amounts of subs and ice cream and be okay. No. That is just not going to happen. I know that now in a way I never knew from just "believing" it. Now I have lived it.

I am going back on Medifast tomorrow and getting the rest of this weight off. I want my life back and while I *could* sit and formulate a plan, write out eating lists, count calories, try and figure out what will work for me, I am not willing to risk gaining one more pound so I can play around with different ways to lose weight. I know Medifast works for me, and I feel great on it. And this time, I am going to stick to it 100% like I did when I started it in March, and then I will do the transition off Medifast foods properly so I can actually SEE if adding one orange causes me a problem, or if I may have an issue with dairy or grains or starchy vegetables. I am ready to have this 11 pounds I gained this week GONE. No more messing around.



*FTC-required disclosure: Medifast provided me with its products for my personal use for free. I am not paid or compensated in any other way for mentioning their products. Medifast states an "average weight loss of up to 2 to 5 pounds a week."*