Why the Question.

Yesterday, I asked a question. It was, "What would you say if I told you I was considering gastric bypass surgery?" And I got a huge response that totally floored me. So I want to explain why I asked the question... what was behind it.

I've mentioned before that I have had heart palpitations over the past decade, usually not too bad and usually if I eat a lot of produce and skip junk I don't get them as much. I've seen a doctor and a cardiologist. But I had one really upsetting episode with an arrhythmia that put me in the ER when I weighed 278 pounds. (If you really want to understand the terror of this problem for me, you can read this post from way, way back when I was only about a month into losing weight). So, I have not had any MAJOR arrhythmias in a couple of years.

The other day I woke up, felt great, made myself a bowl of steel cut oatmeal with bananas and almonds and sat down to a great healthy breakfast. Except before I started to eat, I went in the fridge for milk and saw bloody raw meat juice dripping down all the shelves. Leaky stew package, ick. So I spent half an hour emptying and scrubbing the fridge, and wayyyyy in the back at the bottom, lying sideways, I found a bottle of Starbucks mocha frappuccino. Must have been there forever. I thought about dumping it but hadn't had coffee in awhile so I decided to have it with my oatmeal. Bad idea on a lot of levels... but I have a thing for sweet coffee.

I sat down with my oats and coffee. I sucked it down. About 10 or 15 minutes went by and I felt my heart kick into double beats. I coughed (which is supposed to stop the racing) but it didn't stop. Thud thud thud. I mean SUPER fast and thumping out of my chest. Coughed more, took deep breaths, started to get lightheaded. EXACTLY like that time I went to the ER. I calmly took some herbal remedies. I chewed some aspirin. I sat still. It kept pounding, on and on. It was not slowing or stopping and was skipping beats and then racing and honestly it became terrifying at about 2 minutes in. I got the phone poised to call 911. I wondered if it was going to stop. I wondered if I was going to have a heart attack. (It was not a panic attack... I used to have them long ago and this is different... the cardiologist explained and I have not had a panic attack in ages). So I sat there, watching my daughter play, wondering what I should do, thinking, "oh my gosh. Maybe it is too late. I have screwed around and stayed fat and not fixed my health and now, now I might end up back in the ER." After 3 or 4 minutes, suddenly my heart just 'jumped' back into normal rhythm. I sat there waiting for it to happen again, but it didn't. But I was exhausted, emotionally, physically, mentally. My chest felt heavy and tired. And I cried and cried. I hit a new rock bottom regarding my weight. I haven't felt so desperate/frustrated/helpless in a long, long time.

I've been dealing with other stuff, family health problems, 3 sick kids at this point, PMS, not getting enough sleep. I've been up the past 2 nights most of the night with my daughter who has a 104 fever. One son was sick last week, another woke up sick today. But yesterday, when I was sitting around drained from the arrhythmias and feeling so utterly bad that I have ruined my body in so many ways (like my knees that are SHOT), I just wondered, "how am I going to do this? What am I supposed to do NOW?" I was too scared to exercise or do anything to get my heart rate up in case it would flip out again.

And in my inbox was an email from a major weight loss company, offering to provide me product if I will blog my progress. So them mental gymnastics began. "I need this weight off NOW for my health. I need to get a good chunk off FAST so I can continue. I need to do SOMETHING different." I thought about gastric bypass. I thought about LAP band. I wondered what you guys would think about me taking some kind of a drastic turn from my "whole foods, produce based, work for it" approach. So I put it out there.

"What would you say if I told you I was considering gastric bypass surgery?"

I wanted to get REAL feedback from people I think sort of know me and where I am coming from. Many of you I've come to trust and value your opinions. I wondered if I'd get an overwhelming state of shock that I would stray from my usual mindset, or if, perhaps, it really IS time to do something drastic to get past that 225 pound barrier I have been up against for over a year now. I've thought about LAP band before; and really, in my saner moments I *had* decided against it for two simple reasons: 1) it won't fix what's going on in my head and I worry I would drink milkshakes to get around the band, and 2) I have NO ONE who could care for my children properly if I were unable, and since they are from two marriages, if anything happened to me they would be split up to different parts of the country and I don't think they'd be well cared for. I can't stand the thought. So I decided I cannot take the risk for my kids' sakes.

Yet who has been morbidly obese and not ever considered it? Don't most people think about it and wonder? And as I see all the AMAZING information rolling in to answer that question, I think the responses to that post are going to stand as a valuable resource to anyone who comes through this blog considering gastric bypass. I have not seen such a concise, distinct set of input anywhere else on the web... answers from both sides, positives, negatives. Thank you for all the input and information because I know it is going to help a lot of people.

And thank you for the outpouring of support. Through it all I think many sensed my desperation, worried about me, knew there was something *behind* the question (as I did not say "I am considering it" but "what would you say?") And in many of the answers I have drawn strength and felt such compassion and seen successes and struggles that make me feel like we are all in this together no matter what path we take to lose the weight.

I wondered when I posted the question, "Does it really matter how one loses the weight, if it comes off and stays off?" Of course HOW it comes off may determine whether it stays off, but why is it that if you stand 3 normal-weight people in a room, and each has lost 100 pounds, the general public:

1) *assumes* they had surgery or used pills to lose the weight
2) gives some kind of moral superiority to the person who "did it on her own" without surgery or pills or a diet program?

Why is it that the person who lost weight via surgery is somehow seen (by some) as weaker or less successful than the one who did it by counting calories and walking?

Why is it that the person who does it on meal replacements, liquid diet, or some other supplement program is not seen in as high esteem as the one who just ate less and exercised more?

Is it because people assume you CANNOT change your lifestyle without some kind of intervention? So they are in awe, somehow, that people can just change their lives on their own?

Isn't it just as hard if not more so to live life after weight loss surgery as it is without? I dunno, I don't really understand the prejudice out there. Thoughts?

I am not going to have surgery. I think it is an amazing tool and have respect for you who have used it. I think we all have to find a path that works for us.

I get approached by a lot of diet companies to try their products and do a review on my blog. From dieter's coffee to weight loss bars to hypnosis CDs to pills, I've heard it all. I turn down almost all of these products because I believe there is no magic pill. My main policy when considering reviews is that I will NOT try anything that could be harmful such as pills containing ingredients that are questionable. But I *have* tried some things that are benign, just so I can blog about them and tell you not to waste your money. But what about a program that features meal replacements for 2 meals a day plus snacks, and has you eat your own lean protein and lots of vegetables for dinner? No drugs, no herbs, no stimulants, no magic ingredients, just portion control, low sugar, high protein, low carb, 1000 calories a day. Maybe?

My main thought against it is that it costs $300 a month (free for me, but do I want to promote something that might make people thing they need to spend that kind of money to lose weight?) Do I want to veer off my whole foods plan and do prepackaged stuff for a month or two so I can see 20 or 30 pounds drop off? Maybe it would be helpful, because I am ALL about unbiased reviews. If it tasted like crap I'd say so. If I was hungry I'd admit it. I'd be blunt and honest. Maybe it would help people decide who are considering this plan. Honest reviews can be hard to find. And perhaps it would get me out of my plateau. But I am not willing to change this blog into some kind of promo for a program, whether it works or not. So I dunno. Do your thoughts about a *drastic* change to lose weight change when we are talking about that kind of program versus bypass? I have felt just desperate enough to consider such a change, lately. I just don't know. My heart, my self, knows that eating whole foods, nourishing my body with fresh healthy produce is *the* answer. Would doing a product review for a month get me into the 2-teens again, help me get my energy back, drop some pounds off my knees so I can *do* more when I get back to my healthy eating plan? Or would it just screw things up even more?

All input is appreciated and I do realize what a valuable resource I have in all of you, who care and give me feedback honestly and freely. I hope what I write is of some benefit to you as well. I don't just write this blog for me anymore. I care about the people who read it.

Scale is down 2 pounds to 233.